Coffee fanatics, my kith and kin, I think I have been thinking about coffee way too much lately. Last night, I woke up screaming from a horrible nightmare about coffee pods, and I awoke with a terrifying craving for Kona coffee. All in all, the juxtaposition was enough to addle my normally befuddled brain the entire stagger to the coffee maker. Allow me to tell you the visions I’ve had.
The dream started with me going to my good friend Mike’s house. We were going to do our usual figuring out of all the world’s problems, but when he offered me coffee, he insisted that I make it. Why would he insist I make his coffee, I thought. Every other time he’s ever made me coffee, he made it.
As I approached his coffee maker, I noticed it was different. It looked like something from the future, all steampunk pipes, valves, and gauges. It emitted a faint green glow that implied nuclear power.
“Go ahead,” he said, but I had a feeling in my stomach that something wasn’t right. “Go ahead,” he insisted.
His regular can of ground coffee was on the counter beside the futuristic coffee maker. I opened it, and right there before my eyes was no ground coffee but instead a can full of coffee pods!
“Choose one,” he said
The Coffee Pod For Me
I knew I was not just choosing a flavor of coffee pod. I was choosing something more, and once I looked into his eyes. I saw it: an alien presence, a foreign thing, something from another planet or possibly from the future. I looked into the eyes of the Coffee Pod People!
He opened his mouth to speak, and instead I was greeted with the waft of rich coffee aroma as that green glow pulsed from his open mouth.
“Become one of us,” he said, his voice that of the Coffee Pod People. “Become on with us.”
I woke up, never having selected a coffee pod myself. The smell of fresh brewed coffee was still lingering in my mind as much as the image of coffee pods and pod people.
I used my K-Cup brewer that morning. I couldn’t even look at the coffee pods. This morning they seemed too much like something from the future. Although, honestly, you could say the same thing about K-Cups.
So far, I've never seen a CoffeeForLess pod open up and give birth to any face-grabbing arachnid, but I'll keep you posted.